Surprised by Promise, Optimism and Anticipation

After wiping away tears at boot camp tonight, I knew I needed to be good to me and search for what would carry me through the night. I was excited this morning to find out that I have successfully completed 2 weeks of Insanity and tracked every single thing that has gone into my mouth diligently. I have made damn good decisions food wise and its paying off, because...drum roll please...I have lost 7 lbs in two weeks! Go me! So... I didn't see a problem with going to Jimmy Johns to get a delicious turkey sandwich and allowing myself to relax. After consuming said yummyness, I was still cold (damn you Reynolds Syndrome) so I decided to take a bath and continue said relaxation time. Despite how warm and surprisingly relaxed I was, even with the pride of my hard work paying off...I could feel a grey cloud of sadness still looming over me, threatening to provide me with another sleepless night. However...I gave one more attempt at salvaging my mood before I gave into crabbiness under the covers.

And in the most unforeseen way...I feel hopeful, protected and excited! As you know I've been reading this book Crave. And it's been AWESOME so far, challenging me in great ways to become a better me. I will be going through this book with my small group of wonderful ladies that I meet with every two weeks soon, so I also bought the DVD and participation guide. Because I'm sort of really enjoying the book and its EXACTLY what I need right now I have been working ahead, and decided to start on the participation guide tonight. I thought I'd look around it a bit, think about the questions a little and just be ready to explain it to my ladies tomorrow a bit. Twoish hours later...eeek! All 20 pages are done. Yes, I completed two weeks of study in 2 hours.

I just felt God really speaking to me through the study and healing some really raw, open wounds. I felt feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that have been in my heart for ages, start to be slowly chipped at and glimmers of light to shine where only darkness was before. God spoke very clearly to me tonight...giving me hope, and sight of battles won. He made me realize that He's equipped me for this battle and this time it's not a losing one. He's shown me that He's with me and blessed my plan and I will overcome. More then anything though, I felt like I was told tonight "Brooke...this is so much more then you winning the battle over food...I will set you free, your life is blessed and I will not let you fall. I will be your protector." My life is so much bigger then what I'm currently living. I welcome this freedom...I have bigger things to accomplish in life then this.

Tonight God told me "I will surround you with MY shield of love. It is a full bodied shield. The kind that covers head to toe. Whatever fears and hurts you carry about your struggles, know that you are surrounded this day, and every day, with a shield of my love that no enemy can penetrate. I have you covered, head to toe."

And with that surprising peaceful find...this girl is off to sleep. <3