You're All Non-Internetty

So, as anyone who checks their FB more then once a month has likely noticed...I'm not on the Bookface (see the only The Office reference I know) anymore.  This is something that I had contemplated for a long time, but thought that I would be devastated without it, so never did it.  As all know, I was likely the most frequent name found on your feed, posting about every mundane detail of my life.  However, April 29th I took the plunge and haven't regretted it once.  I have NOTHING against anyone who does have Facebook, it was just the right choice for me personally.  It's not healthy for me personally for a large number of reasons and skewed my priorities in a world where I already struggle in that area. 

So why?  Why do I not like FB?  It's passive aggressive, narcissistic, fake, and robs us of real communication and relationships if you allow it to and encourages you to be more engaged in the lives of others and what they're doing on a second by basis then you are engaged in your own life.  There's many, if not most people who can manage their involvement in FB just fine...but I wasn't one of them.  I am a very all or nothing person, so I just felt like it was more a part of my life then what was appropriate. 

So what are my gripes with the Bookface?  The list could go on and on...

1.  When I think about it...truly updates about my life and the lives of those around me should come from me/you personally.  There was way too many times when people found out about important things in my life that I should have at the very least called and told them about, instead of via Facebook.  If there's something important to tell me, call me!  A mass notification about something important to all your 567 friends is very impersonal.  If I'm important enough, you'll find a way to tell me outside of a PSA. 

2.  No one needs to know where I am at at all times.  There's people (and I have at times) "checked-in" in the bathtub, bed or the couch.  REALLY?  Does everyone need or care where you are at all times?  No... what makes me so freaking narcissistic that I think that my every move is that damn important.  It is not.  That was probably one of my biggest guilts... thinking my life was so damn important that it needed to be documented and shared with all of my 500+ "friends." 

3.  Another huge guilt of mine...spending more time looking at what is going on in the lives of my FB "friends," that I wasted time with the people that were right in front of my face.  Seen a picture that resonates with me on Pinterest a couple times: 

"Be with the friends who are here."

Oh how many times I have myself or sat across from someone at dinner and looked at the top of their head, as they went through their FB feed.  There are exceptions of course, if what you're looking at is part of our conversation together, ect., but there's also been times where I have thought and times where I know friends of mine have thought "MY EYES ARE UP HERE... LOOK AT ME!!!  ENGAGE ME...BE PRESENT IN YOUR TIME WITH ME!!"  My BFF Jenni has told me before that she felt like whatever was on my phone (usually FB) was more important to me then fully engaging in our time together, and even though it wasn't, she wasn't at all irrational to feel as though that was where my priorities were, because that's what that behavior says.  Even if not intentional, that says to the other person "You are not as important as this."  I GREATLY appreciate Jenni being honest with me and helping me be a better friend by being more fully engaged in my relationships. 

I still am quite connected to my phone, but it's baby steps... :)

4.  It perpetuates an ugly trait of mine...judgement.  I easily fall into judgement, and seeing everyone's lives on display like that greatly perpetuates judging people without actually knowing someone.  It's easy to say how someone should be living their lives without actually having to spend a real second with that person in their real life.  With FB, I'd see things and make rash judgements of people and it made me not proud of myself. 

5.  I'm too fucking sensitive for social media.  Everyone, myself included, thinks that everything is about them or a personal attack.  And although it is at times, more often then not it's not, and if it is, it's your deal...not mine.  Someone once made an off the cuff comment to me like "There's not much you don't put on the Internet," in a truly negative tone.  It hurt me.  Not a lot, or like I thought about it for days by any means, but it did hurt.  Why?  It was true, I did!  However I think that it was the negative connotation to it that hurt.  It was around that time I realized that I was too fucking sensitive for this FB bullshit, and said "Peace!" 

Yes, of course there's hundreds of great things about FB, but for me, for right now, they don't outweigh the negatives.  Maybe at some point that may change for me, but for right now, I'm enjoying my new found privacy, my ability to be more fully present in my daily relationships and growing in real communication.  :)