Friend (fr nd). n. 1. A Person Whom One Knows, Likes, and Trusts

This is a topic that I have thought about a lot and have pretty strong opinions about.  However, as a woman who has not always gotten along with, or maybe for a better description...understood most other women...it's not something that I have known exactly how I even feel about.  So you're going to have to forgive me if I am all over the place on this one... I'm still trying to figure out and navigate friendships with women.  ;) 

Mom and I were on a run the other night and started talking about who is a friend and why do we value the friendships that we do.  I'm not even sure why this came up, but it was brought up because I have a "friend" that recently (within the last year), completely cut me out of her life because I did not call/see her as often as she thought that I should (which was at times more often then I see/talk to my own family memebers).  This friend cut me out of her life because she wanted my address to send me a post card while she was on vacation and I did not call her back (not out of malice) until after she had already left for vacation.  I guess that was her last straw and she has since decided that my friendship was not worth seeking out anymore. 

This has got me thinking... what is it about my deepest, most valuable friendships, that I enjoy?  I have some close girl friends that I would no joke, lay down my life for.  If any of those girls called me and said "Brooke I need you to quit your job and come be by my side, 24/7," I would do so in a heartbeat.  My loyalty to these girls in my heart is passionate.  I would go to bat for them, love them and defend them endlessly.  So...what is it about these girls that has made them so valuable? 

Couple things...non judgement, loyalty, love - very deep, unconditional love, and understanding.  One of, if not thee biggest things is our grace for each other.  There's never finger pointing or you did or didn't do this, there's just TONS and TONS of grace.  Emily (one of those relationships I speak of) once said it best, that we can go months and months without talking and no one jumps down anyones throat that we havent called, or returned calls in x, y, z amount of time, ect., ect.  No, we just call when we can and completely value the time that we have together, almost like we'd not skipped a second together.  Another thing that makes these relationships stand out?  Forgiveness without even being asked for forgiveness.  Seriously... pretty awesome right?  I tell you they're amazing girls.  One of my very closest friends, at no one's shock is thee most beautiful Jennifer Christine Anderson.  I could do a whole blog about why this stunning young woman is amazing.  She has been there for me, knows me and loves me like very few people in my life have ever loved me.  Recently she knew that I had not had the best of times lately, and made sure that because of that, my birthday was incredible.  She contacted my momma and all my closest lady friends and made sure that I had a night that was devoted to loving me.  Pretty awesome friend, right?  That wasn't even close to the part that makes this woman stand out.  Her birthday was just two months later and I kept thinking "You need to do something very special for Jen's 30th!"  However... things got busy, life got in the way and I ended up flying to Arizona to be with my grandma on her birthday and Jen got a "Happy Birthday!" text from me, 30 mins before the end of her birthday.  SHITTASTIC friend of the year right here!!!  I then kept meaning to do something special for her after, but again, let my priorities get mixed up (as I often do) and did not end up doing anything for her until MARCH 17th!  March 17th... the girl's 30th birthday was February 12th, and now she has to share the celebration day with thousands of drunk people celebrating a fake holiday?  No offense to you Irish people out there.  But wow... really?  But you know what?  Jen just gave me grace.  She wasn't mad, she didn't punish me by being distant or not calling me for weeks (as I have experienced in other catty female friendships), no... she said "I can't wait to spend the night with the people that I love!"  DAYUM, I am lucky to have that girl!!  The other girls do the same thing... I can be a really crappy friend when I am struggling and not a one has stepped down, backed off, held it against me or guilted me for things they could have RIGHTFULLY done so about.  Emily keeps on calling me even though I never return her phone calls, Lindsey talks to me like we've spent every single day together for the last 15 years, even though I struggle to make her part of my monthly life, let alone weekly or daily.  And that girl, THEE most loyal, I am there for you RIGHT NOW if you want me to be friends, I have ever had!!  Jenni loves me and loves me and loves me, even though at times lately our friendship has been a lot of her giving and me taking.  Tammy continues to encourage and love me even though I can be so self focused at times that I forget to even ask how she's doing.  And Stacy...she's one of the greatest friends that I have been blessed with, that in just a few short months will be my sister!!!  She's great.  I can be 100% Brooke with her, I can take my whole messy self and go "Here this is EVERYTHING, I'm such a big pile of crap," and she looks at me and says "Gosh I love you!  How can I help you get to where you want to be!?"  ***TEARS***  I am SOOO blessed!!! 

Why do they continue to give and love when at times I have been less then deserving?  And I am not by any means tooting my own horn, 'cause yeah...I'm just not, but I'd like to think that it's because I have...we have made that investment into each other that we know each other's hearts and know that mistakes happen and it doesn't mean that I or you are a shitty friend if we hurt each other, it means we're human and I know that you'd NEVER hurt me out of malice, so why even bring it up?  I know you already hurt for hurting me, more then I was even hurt!  True story! 

So when I have friends cutting me out of their lives because I can't meet their standards, I think "Did I not bring enough positives to our relationship for you to overlook the very human tendencies I have to bring some negative as well?"  Cause gosh... I have LOTS AND LOTS of faults, and struggle with a great number of issues, but a know that I am a FANTASTIC, loving, giving person.  I know that I am valuable and can be a rich partner in friendship.  I encourage everyone to really be careful with your friendships and dole out serious doses of forgiveness, love and grace.  We're ALL fighting a really hard battle and need eachother.