Heavy Heart

Not sure why I always feel driven to come here to think...however tonight I find a smile in watching families skate around Centennial Lakes. Lots of kids shooting pucks to each other, skating hand in hand with their parents and adults wobbling around, reminding me a little too much of my own attempts at skating.

After a couple mins here I know exactly why I ended up here after getting off work with no destination in mind for the 3 hours until I work again. Skating has ALWAYS been representative of joy, love and a feeling of being lightweight to me. As all know I hate winter, but skating is my one exception. I love watching people skate. So clearly, I had a duh moment when my car just kinda ended up here and saw people skating (when I didn't even know that's what people do here). I have a God of such intention. I dunno why I'm ever surprised.

*sigh* I could feel it starting last night...heavy feelings and a lonely heart, but I worked through it and was dang proud of my ability to be ok with where I was. No anxiety, no frustration with myself, no feelings of self pity, just felt it as how it was and reminded myself that this too shall pass. And it did, without a sleepless night or anything. Win in my book!

However today has been a little more rough. All good, cause I trust and know that with my days of struggle come days of peace. So I'm doing what I know I need to take care of myself, successfully fighting ridiculous self deprecation and sitting peacefully in my accepted feelings.

I smile watching the skaters pick teams for a pick up hockey game, and listen to the songs on the radio as if they were picked specifically for my current emotions in mind, I am happy with my ability to not allow one hard day to completely derail six pretty good ones. Yeah...today I struggle, but I haven't lost hope. This storm will run out of rain. It's already starting to seem more like a spring shower versus the hurricane it once was.